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Runaway girlfriend comes under fire among expats

runaway girlfriend, shanghainese girlfriend

Marriage is much more complicated than love – different backgrounds, lifestyles, habits and values can lead to quarrels and misunderstanding when a couple weds.

婚姻比恋爱复杂的多-情侣步入婚姻殿堂后,不同的背景、生活方式、习惯和价值观可能导致争吵和误解。

Recent news of a middle-class Shanghainese woman who broke up with her peasant boyfriend over Spring Festival went viral on Chinese social media. The 26-year-old local girl was dating a migrant worker from a poor village in Jiangxi Province, but after being invited back to his ancestral home for a traditional Chinese lunar new year holiday, she immediately dumped him once she saw the humble dinner prepared by his relatives. She even publicly shared her experience on the Internet, along with a photo of the food she was served. What do foreigners take on the incident?

最近,一则上海中等家庭女生,春节和农村男友分手的新闻在中国媒体上闹得沸沸扬扬。这个26岁的上海女生与从江西贫穷农村来上海工作的男生谈恋爱,男友邀请她去老家过年,但在看到男友家人准备的简朴年夜饭后,女生立刻决定分手。她还在网上公开了这段经历,附上了一张年夜饭的照片。外国朋友们对这件事都持什么样的看法呢?

Howard Whiteson from the UK said it was wrong of the girl to suddenly leave. "It lacks sensibility. She knew her boyfriend was from a village. So she should have accepted the food, then broken up at a better time," he said.

来自英国的霍华德怀特森说,女生突然离开的做法是不对的。“太无情了,她知道男友家是农村的,所以她应当接受那顿饭,然后找一个更合适的时机分手。”他说。

"The girl's reaction of leaving the table and immediately breaking up with her boyfriend is extreme and radical. Why didn't she just share her feelings with her boyfriend instead of on her social media?" Cyril Saidah from France said.

“这女生马上离席并立刻分手的反应太极端和激进了。她为什么不与男朋友交流,反而在社交媒体上发表感想?”来自法国的西里尔赛达说。

"I think there would be a national outcry if it happened in my country, Ireland, especially how she posted it publicly to display his family's poor situation. It reflects a big gap and little empathy between the rich and the poor in China," said an Irish citizen in Shanghai.

“我觉得如果这事在我的国家爱尔兰发生,一定会引起全国人民的强烈抗议,尤其是她公开表明男友家庭的贫困状况。这事反映了中国贫富之间巨大的差距和缺乏同情。”一位在上海的爱尔兰人说。

"I totally don't agree with the reaction of the girl, because even if she didn't want to continue dating this guy, she didn't have to humiliate his parents," said Olga Portnova from Kazakhstan.

“我完全不同意这个女生的做法,即便她不想和男生继续谈恋爱了,也没必要羞辱他的父母。”来自哈萨克斯坦的奥尔加波特诺娃说。

Some expats the Global Times spoke with are married to a Chinese spouse and have firsthand experiences when it comes to cultural differences. The Global Times also asked these same foreigners to expound on their impression of Chinese dating and marriage.

谈到文化差异,环球时报采访了一些与中国人结婚的海外移民,他们有着最直接的体验。环球时报还邀请这些外国朋友谈谈他们对中国恋爱和婚姻的印象。

"Compared to the West, people in China mostly marry for money rather than feelings. Most of the time it's only because of their parents' influence. But this is like how France was 60 years ago, so eventually China will also change," said Oscar.

“与西方相比,中国人大部分为了钱而不是感情而结婚。大部分情况下,这仅仅是由于他们父母的影响。但这就像60年前的法国,所以中国最终也会改变。”奥斯卡说。

"Making assumptions and having strong opinions can hurt opportunities for change. The girl should look at what the boy can become instead of where he came from and what he was in the past. Just because everybody uses AC power now does not mean they will in the future," said Derek Cowburn from the US.

“妄自猜测以及表达强烈意见可能会破坏改变的机会。这个女生应该看到男友的未来,而不是他来自哪里和他的过去。现在每个人都用交流电,但这并不代表他们在将来也会用。”来自美国的德里克库布伦说。

"From my understanding, many times the choice in China is based on financial and education criteria before true love. But I believe everybody should be humble and respectful toward each other. Class differences should not be a deal breaker if the couple really loves each other," said Saidah.

“按照我的理解,中国很多婚姻都是基于经济和教育水平,而不是真爱。但我认为每个人应当对他人保持谦逊和尊重。如果这对情侣真的彼此相爱,家庭条件不同并不应成为感情的阻碍。”赛达说。

In the case of the Shanghai woman, it was obviously important for her to find a significant other who has a matching family background, but for the foreigners interviewed, this does not seem to be so important.

对于这则新闻中的上海女生来说,很显然她认为找到一个家庭背景相当的另一半很重要,但对接受采访的外国人来说,这个条件似乎并没有那么重要。

"I think it's fine for people of different classes to date and marry. There are many examples of this in the West. If love is strong then class shouldn't matter. But it can also eventually create conflict," said Whiteson.

“我认为不同阶层的人们相恋结婚挺好的。在西方国家这种例子很多。如果感情到位,阶层无所谓,但最终还是可能产生冲突。”怀特森说。

"There is no reason people from different family backgrounds and classes should not date or marry. Most societies are not like the Indian caste system, in which there is no mixing allowed," said Saidah. "In French we even have a saying that goes 'opposites attract.' Meeting and mixing with different people is very rewarding and helps us become more open-minded," he said.

“来自不同家庭背景和不同阶层的人不应当约会和结婚-这根本没道理。大多数社会并不像印度种姓制度那样,不允许不同种姓的人结婚。”赛达说。“在法国我们甚至有'不同阶层相互吸引'的说法。与不同的人种相识并结婚非常有益,使我们变得更加开明。”他说。

2016-06-23

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