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What Kinds of Chinese Dialogues Would Confuse You?

Culture shock is a huge barrier in international communication. Sometimes, it becomes a laughingstock in daily life.

Let’s take a look at the foreigners’ “complains” on a social website, and figure out what kind of dialogue makes them confused.

文化差异是沟通的一大障碍,小范围来讲,在生活中这样的差异也难以避免的会引起许多笑话……
一起来看看这些老外们在社交网站上的吐槽,哪些中国式对话让他们无法理解?
1
俩家长互相捧Two people praise each other’s child.

老张:你儿子可聪明了哇!

Zhang: You boy is smart!

老王:哪有,不聪明,不聪明。

Wang: He is not that smart.

 

这种话也就中国人说才有意义。
Such a  dialogue only make sense between Chinese

 

2
咚咚咚有人敲门Knock knock

 

“谁啊?”

“who is that?”

“我。”

“Me.”

“谁?”

“Who?”

“我!”

“Me!”

“你谁呀?”

“Who are you?”

“我呀。”

“It’s me.”

“你到底谁啊?”

“Who the hell you are?”

“我呀!”

“Me!”

 

多年来,我在门后面进行过数十次这种像说相声一样的对话,而且这种对话历久弥新。最有意思的就是门外头那个人永远都认为这一句“我”足够让你猜出他(她)是谁。这当然很荒谬,但我发现其实我也经常干这种事儿。
For many years, I keep talking like crosstalk comedian behind the door, and those memories can be refreshed again and again. The most interesting point is people who stands outside always believe that I can tell who they are by just answering “我”(me). Ridiculous! However, I found I often did it this way.

3
神奇的同事系列mystical workmates

1)“我太羡慕你啦,可以长得那么白。”

“I do envy you, your skin is much fair than mine”

2)“我喜欢你的毛衣。”

“I like your sweater ”

我:“谢谢。”

Me: “Thanks”

“这有什么可谢的?”

“Is there anything you need to thank me for?”

3)“你有点啤酒肚了。”

“Seems like you have a little bit beer belly”

我:“······”

Me: “…….”

4
我确定每个人都遇到过I’m sure everyone is familiar with such case

我:“你好。”

Me:”你好(Hello)”

每个听到的中国人都会说:你中文真厉害!

Every Chinese who heard this would say, “Your Chinese is really good!”

 

5
当我正在买两根胡萝卜的时候When I was choosing carrots

同事:“天哪你在买胡萝卜!”

Workmate: “OMG, you are picking carrots!”

我:“对啊,等会儿我要做晚饭。”

Me: “Yeah, I’m going to prepare dinner.”

同事:“给你女票做?”

Workmate: “for your girlfriend?”

我:“对啊,她也会一块儿吃。”

Me: “Right, she will join the dinner.”

同事:“真是个好男票啊!”

Workmate: “You’re such a sweet boyfriend!”

 

我表示理解不能·····

I do not understand how this conclusion came out.

6
“我不喜欢奥巴马,也不喜欢美国人。””I don’t like Obama and I don’t like Americans either.”

出租车司机:“我不喜欢奥巴马,也不喜欢美国人。”

Cab driver: “I don’t like Obama and I don’t like Americans either.”

我(大笑):“我女朋友(坐在后座上)就是美国人。”

Me(laughing): “My girlfriend(sitting in the back of the cab) is an American.”

司机看她一眼:“你祖辈不是美国的吧····”

Driver(turn around and have a glimpse on her): “Are your ancestors Americans? I guess not.”

女票:“嗯,有点儿古巴混血。”

Girlfriend: “not really, some of my relatives were from Cuba.”

司机:“啊,所以你还好。”

Driver: “That’s why you’re nice.”

 

7
曾经遇到过一位非常热爱跟你讲话的女士,她也不管你懂不懂。I’ve met a talktive woman, who kept talking to me no matter whether I understood her.

1)

女士:“苏州有好多地方可以买珍珠。你是英国人嘛,英国人可喜欢珍珠了。”

Madam: “There are a lot of places in Suzhou where you can buy pearls. Are you British? British love pearls deeply!”

 

我:“真的吗?”

Me: “really?”

 

女士:“当然,看看你们女王就知道了。”

Madam: “Sure, you can judge it from your queen.”

2)

我不记得这段对话什么时候发生的,也不记得她为什么觉得合适,反正我觉得蛮好笑。

I don’t remember when this dialogue happened, and why her view is porper. But, I think it’s funny.

女士:“我觉得吧人都有点像米饭。”

Madam: “Personally speaking, human sometimes is like rice.”

我:“怎么说?”

Me: “Why?”

女士:“你看,欧洲人看上去像没煮好的饭,非洲人像烧焦了的饭,中国人就刚刚好啊。”

Madam: ” Hmm, the Europeans are like half-cooked rice, Africans are like over-cooked rice while Chinese are cooked perfectly.”

我:“·······好吧。”

Me: “……alright.”

3)

女士:“欧洲人比美国人好看多了。”

Madam: “Europeans are prettier than Americans.”

我(作为一个英国人):“我也这么觉得。”

Me(as a British): “I agree with you.”

8
在我的经历里,遇到陌生人的时候,中国人会表现得十分好奇和开放。It can be concluded from my own experience  that Chinese are so curious and open-minded when they meet strangers.
他们会和你分享和聊许多对于美国人来说往往是涉及隐私的细节。他们同样也会诚实地表达自己的感受和观点。
They’re willing to share a lot of things with you, even some details that related to privacy according to American. Chinese will express their feelings and opinions honestly.

当你走在街上,旁边有一个陌生人,你俩都停在一个十字路口之类的地方时,

When you’re on the street and stop at some spot with a stranger beside.

陌生人就会开始发话了:“你去哪儿呢?”

The stranger would ask you, “Where are you going?”

我:“买点东西。”

Me: “Do some shopping.”

 

陌生人:“买点什么东西呢?”

Stranger: “What are you going to buy?”

我:“呃,没仔细想。”

Me: “Hmm, I haven’t thought about it carefully.”

陌生人:“那你不知道要买什么怎么买呢?”

Stranger: “How can you buy things while you have no idea of what to buy?”

 

我:“可能就买点蔬菜和家里需要的基本食品吧。”

Me: “Maybe some vegetables and basic household foods.”

 

陌生人:“那你成家了吗?”

Stranger: “Well, are you married?”

我:“还没。”

Me: “Not yet.”

 

陌生人:“哦,那也是,就随便买点东西。你不需要仔细想买什么啊,以后要是结婚了就不一样了。你会做饭不?”

Stranger: “Oh, that’s fair, feel free to buy anything you want. But you should think about it carefully after marrying someone. Can you cook?”

我:“会。”

Me: “Yes.”

陌生人:“哎呀那起码你还是蛮好的。如果不会做饭,怕你以后老公都找不着啊。”

Stranger: “Good, that’s better. I was afraid that you won’t be able to find a husband if you cannot cook.

 

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2018-04-03

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