Podcast: Monologue by a melancholiac

Wǒ yǒu yì tiáo hēi ɡǒu，tā de mínɡ zi jiào Yōu Yù 。

我有一条黑狗，它的名字叫忧郁。

I have a black dog. his name was Depression.

Měi dānɡ zhè tiáo hēi ɡǒu chū xiàn shí，wǒ jiù ɡǎn dào nán ɡuò、bēi shānɡ，shēnɡ huó yě màn le xià lái。Tā zǒnɡ shì tū rán chū xiàn zài wǒ de miàn qián，yònɡ yōu yù de yǎn shén kàn zhe wǒ。

每当这条黑狗出现时，我就感到难过、悲伤，生活也慢了下来。它总是突然出现在我的面前，用忧郁的眼神看着我。

Whenever the black dog made an appearance, I felt empty and life just seemed to slow down. He could surprise me with the visit for no reason or occasion.

Hēi ɡǒu rànɡ wǒ biàn dé xiànɡ yí ɡè lǎo rén yí yànɡ。Hǎo xiànɡ zhěnɡ ɡè shì jiè dōu zài xiǎnɡ shòu shēnɡ huó，wǒ què zhí yǒu hēi ɡǒu xiānɡ bàn。Nà xiē cénɡ jīnɡ shǐ wǒ kuài lè de shì qínɡ，hū rán dōu xiāo shī le。Tā rànɡ wǒ bù xiǎnɡ chī dōnɡ xi，rànɡ wǒ bù nénɡ jí zhōnɡ jīnɡ lì。Tuō zhe zhè tiáo hēi ɡǒu wú lùn qù nǎ lǐ huò zhě zuò shén me，dōu xū yào chāo rén de lì liànɡ。

黑狗让我变得像一个老人一样。好像整个世界都在享受生活，我却只有黑狗相伴。那些曾经使我快乐的事情，忽然都消失了。它让我不想吃东西，让我不能集中精力。拖着这条黑狗无论去哪里或者做什么，都需要超人的力量。

The back dog could made me look and feel older than my years. When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I could only see it through the black dog. Activities that usually brought me pleasure suddenly ceased to. He liked to ruin my appetite. He chewed up my memory and my ability to concentrate. Doing anything or going anywhere with black dog required superhuman strength.

Wǒ bù xiǎnɡ jiàn rén，bù xiǎnɡ jiē diàn huà，bù xiǎnɡ yǔ rén jiāo tán，bù xiǎnɡ chū mén。Gènɡ duō de shí hou，wǒ xuǎn zé tǎnɡ zài chuánɡ shànɡ，rán ér，wǒ què rénɡ rán bù nénɡ rù shuì。

我不想见人，不想接电话，不想与人交谈，不想出门。更多的时候，我选择躺在床上，然而，我却仍然不能入睡。

I hate meeting anybody, answering a phone, talking or leaving my house. Instead, I would lie in bed, but I’m always awake.

Yú shì wǒ hěn yònɡ lì dì bǎ wǒ de qínɡ xù hé hēi ɡǒu yì qǐ cánɡ qǐ lái，wǒ kāi shǐ biàn dé xiāo jí。

于是我很用力地把我的情绪和黑狗一起藏起来，我开始变得消极。

I have tried hard to hide my sentiment with the dog, but I become depressed.

Kě zhè què rànɡ wǒ ɡènɡ jiā fán zào bù ān，nán yǐ xiānɡ chǔ。Tè bié shì zài bàn yè de shí hou，hēi ɡǒu zǒnɡ shì bù ān fèn de bǎ wǒ jiào xǐnɡ，rànɡ wǒ miàn duì màn chánɡ de hēi yè。

可这却让我更加烦躁不安，难以相处。特别是在半夜的时候，黑狗总是不安分地把我叫醒，让我面对漫长的黑夜。

I have become more agitated and more difficult to get along with. Especially, the dog would always wake me up intentionally at midnight and leave me in the long darkness alone.

Wǒ ɡǎn jué zì jǐ zài yì tiān tiān de biàn lǎo，ér hēi ɡǒu yě yì tiān tiān de zhǎnɡ dà。Wǒ yònɡ jìn le yí qiè bàn fǎ bǎ tā ɡán zǒu，què yuè lái yuè nán。

我感觉自己在一天天的变老，而黑狗也一天天的长大。我用尽了一切办法把它赶走，却越来越难。

I feel I’m getting older and older, while the dog is growing stronger and stronger. I have tried every means to dispel it, but it turns out be more and more difficult.

Hēi ɡǒu bǎnɡ jià le wǒ de shēnɡ huó。Tā kònɡ zhì zhe wǒ de jīnɡ shen hé shēn tǐ，wǒ wú fǎ zuò rèn hé shì qínɡ。Chú le hēi ɡǒu，wǒ hǎo xiànɡ shén me dōu méi yǒu le。

黑狗绑架了我的生活。它控制着我的精神和身体，我无法做任何事情。除了黑狗，我好像什么都没有了。

The dog has kidnapped my life, controlling me mentally and physically. I cannot do anything. It seems that I own nothing except the dog.

Zuì hòu，wǒ ɡǎn dào zì jǐ hé zhěnɡ ɡè shì jiè dōu shī qù le lián xì。Wǒ jué dé wǒ de rén shēnɡ chè dǐ jué wànɡ le。

最后，我感到自己和整个世界都失去了联系。我觉得我的人生彻底绝望了。

Finally, I feel I’m totally disconnected from the world. My life is totally a despair.

Dào dǐ shén me shí hou,wǒ cái nénɡ bǎi tuō zhè tiáo hēi ɡǒu……？

到底什么时候，我才能摆脱这条黑狗……？

When on earth can I get rid of the dog?

Key words：

忧郁 (yōu yù): Depression

消极 (xiāo jí): depressed; passive

绑架 (bǎnɡ jià): kidnap